Airport Security

It’s quite amusing how many people have their panties all tied in a knot over airport security. Don’t like it? Don’t fly.

As a frequent flyer, I admit that I will feel safer on the day they beef  up security to include being able to profile someone based on their race. If you do not like it, then you do not have to fly. Flying is a luxury that gets you from here to there quicker. If you do not want to pay the price for this luxury, whether it be the rate of your ticket or the fact that you have to pay for your luggage, or the security measures put in place to keep passengers safe, then it is your prerogative to opt for another way of travel. I don’t want to hear about it.

That said, today was the first time I passed through airport security since they installed the special scanning devices, and since they implemented the “Feel Up” rule.

My flight was at 8am, and knowing it’s Key West and the potential to smuggle Cuban Cigars and/or small Cuban children onto a flight with you, I thought it wise to show up early in the case security was tighter then usual. I arrived at 6:30am, which is not crazy early, just a little early. In a larger airport, that would be the smart thing to do. Here, however, I was the only person in the airport who was not getting paid to be here. After checking my bag I approached security.

The funny thing about being the only passenger in an airport is that everyone is looking at you like “You dork, you could have slept another hour”… or were they actually determining whether or not they wanted to feel me up? I was prepared mentally for this, so as I approached and saw the 7 or 8 TSA agents fall into place, I was looking to see who I’d want to feel me up. None were very appealing, but a free feel up is a free feel up, I wasn’t going to be picky.

The lady who initially checked my ID and boarding pass refused to make small talk or eye contact as she checked my information. I then approached the x-ray scanning device and started to disrobe… purse off, laptop out, belt, shoes. All eyes were on me, and I wondered if they were all going to watch as I was being felt up.

I proceeded to walk through the metal detector and the fella just smiled at me, as if maybe we’d go on a date or something.

My stuff came out of the machine and I looked around to see if anyone wanted to feel me up. To my dismay, they had all returned to their “at ease” positions, and I was left feeling very unwanted and disappointed. As I was getting dressed again I decided it was probably for the best that I didn’t get a free feel up. Encouragement like that could only lead to trouble.